Rachael Coopes: Play School presenter writes a letter to her pregnant self
I HAVE a love-hate relationship with Facebook.
It triggers me in more ways than I care to admit. But every now and then it gives me some kind of lesson that keeps me hanging in there. Yesterday was probably the biggest one to date.
In it’s usual “remember this moment?” fashion, Facebook tapped me on the shoulder with an image of a pregnant me, about to do a yoga practice, “three years ago, today”.
I sat there looking at her. The smiling, active-wearing, aspirational pregnant me. The truth was, I was scared to death. Going through a brutal separation with my baby-daddy and facing a very scary future, I was a far cry from the image I portrayed to the outside world.
And then it all came flooding back to me. The fear. The absolute terror of those days.
And I wished so badly to could go back in time.
If I could, I’d tell you so many things, pregnant me.
I’d tell you have more cups of teas with friends and look them in the eyes and enjoy finishing a conversation. I’d tell you to read more books, see more films and theatre. Go out to dinner and dance ‘til late. Swim in the ocean and then sit on the beach in silence. Leave your phone at home. I’d tell you to never, ever feel guilty about sleeping in. Grab every empty minute and despite how hard it is for you, DO NOT fill it. Relish the emptiness. Be kinder to your mum. You’ll understand why.
But mostly, I’d tell you: I know you are terrified, I know you are overwhelmed. I know it feels like you’ve destroyed your life.
But, it’s just the beginning. You will be stronger than you can ever imagine. You WILL survive the sleep deprivation. You will drink a hot coffee again. You will laugh again. You will get razor sharp in making choices. Better choices. Smarter choices. Because there’s no space to waste time.
You will meet your greatest teacher. He’ll show you your darkest places and the depth of your unconditional love. And most importantly you will love huge and terrifyingly in a way that your heart feels like it might explode, all the time, but it won’t.
You’ll learn what karma yoga really is — to serve another being every moment of every day. That your family, your beloved family, will rise to support you in ways you never dreamt, or felt you deserved. That friends will hold you in your darkest hours and gently remind you who you are. They’ll feed you and hug you and make you laugh.
You can’t imagine how loved you will be. So, pregnant me, let it go and let it be.
Everything is going to be all right.
Rachael Coopes is an actress and writer, who is currently a presenter on ABC’s Play School.
ncG1vNJzZmimlazAb6%2FOpmWarV%2Bhtqex0q2wpZ1fpa6zsc2toKefX6W%2FprPNmqWcsV%2BWeq2x062cq2WkpHquxYytnKuqmZu2prCMqamen56Wu7V50p6jn2eemsS0edKtpquxX5iBd4CYcWhvbmZuhaKDlW%2BaaWqTbIR0hcNwm3FrYZqB